Lost in thoughts

emo elmo...with panda eyes

Thursday, April 10, 2008 making-sweetness

yes....it's past 1am again and yes, i'm still doing h3. actually it's more of getting severe mental block and playing mindsweeper. oh....woe be unto me. such a sad life i live (i mean, who else plays mindsweeper so much other than no-life losers like me.)

as usual, i'm the 'last person standing', ie the only night-owl in class that hasn't gone to sleep yet. sadly, my brain works very well at this hour for some unknown reason. i just seem to be able to do/process things faster. man......i blame it on my screwed sleeping time.

but i did catch up on some sleep during ct session today. ah! the joys of sitting right at the back of the audi where no one sees you (especially if you're sitting/lying down in the empty space behind the very last row of seats.) could hear the speaker occasionally, sounded pretty funny.

haiz.......bio. sucked. big. time. HAIZZZZZZZ. i am utterly disappointed at my dismal performance for EVERY SINGLE SUBJECT. i blame myself and my laziness. oh, and my inability to apply well/use the proper terminology/read the stupid question properly/manage my time well. the last one will be the death of me, it's a problem i face ALL THE TIME. anyone knows a good way to manage time properly, please tell me!!!!!! i'm getting desperate liao. and i'm soooooooooooooo annoyed that i keep missing the next grade by 1 stupid mark. ARGH!!!! i almost cried during the go-through of the paper, coz i think i could have gotten 11 marks higher through better phrasing, less careless mistakes, much much much better time management, starting with the essay, not going round the bush, etc. got a lot of problems one lah....and very little time to solve it. the more i look, the worse i feel. too bad lah, i have higher expectations of myself and i absolutely ABHOR failure. the fact that i'm a loser isn't going to make things better. HAIZZZZZZZ.

everyone seems to be emoing about 1 thing or the other. it's sad and it's not going to help situations at all. (haha...i think this is very ironic, even hypocritical, since it's coming from this emo-kia like me....hahaha) my mind works pretty quickly when it comes to piecing things together, unless you're talking about the mechanism of how aspirin affects apoA-I expression. hahahaa....stupid h3. even more unfortunately, sometimes i hear about things concerning other people that i don't need, even shouldn't know. like the time i was on the bus and i heard my fren's frens talking about stuff about my fren,etc. can't help it if they talk so loudly and i was next to them on this UBER crowded bus...can't even tune out their voices lah, talk until so loud. sheesh. but i don't use such 'illegally obtained' info about someone to blackmail them or what....that is SO MORALLY WRONG. a secret is meant to be a secret and i despise anyone who spreads stuff told to them confidentially. but some of these stuff can't ever be controlled, so the most logical thing to do is not to tell it at all lah! you can't stop a rumour from spreading, but you can prevent circumstances that would contribute to such a rumour being spread in the first place. that's why there are some stuff that i wouldn't commit fully to regardless of how much i would like to.

hahaha.....i sidetracked alot liao. anyways, i kinda missed the situation last year, when everyone was all ladida, happy-go-lucky and there didn't seem to be so many obvious factions. yar....maybe it's coz i'm 1 of those people who like peace (or so the many personality test thingys say...) and harmony. or more directly put, i hate fiery exchanges. and i feel very guilty now for erupting into violent outbursts occasionally with a certain defiance against higher authorities....dunno why i have this thing against the govt and anyone else that is able to make significant changes in society or the place they are put in charge of. and i also feel very guilty for following the crowd and heaping unfair criticisms on poor people that are ostracized. that is soooooo not compassionate, nice, fair, etc for that poor person. argh....it's so unbecoming of a child of God. haiz....i shall repent from my ways and not do that.

i'm becoming uber random. i think writing my 2-cents worth about stuff that's happening around me is more interesting that writing my h3 report...hahahaha. but then again, it could be a case where everyone has a voice, but no 1's listening. some stuff just aren't meant to be my business and the smartest thing to do is to stay out of it....STAY FAR AWAY FROM SUCH UNNECESSARY TROUBLE. i'll just dao and pretend that i don't know about it. random thots on life...in fine print. hahahaha.

POSTED BY mysticmalady AT 1:18 AM |

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